Should parents say “yes” to children’s requests?

When children see others with toys, stationery or clothes, they may also ask their parents to purchase these for them.

It is understandable that parents want to give their children the best, but giving them everything they ask for, and satisfying their every material need unconditionally may not be helpful in shaping their values.

In fact, parents should take the opportunity to explain to them that they don’t need everything that others have, and teach them the following concepts.

Children usually have a misconception that money is used to buy what they “want”. Parents should explain to them that money is earned through hard work, and that money is limited while desires are endless. Though we want lots of things, we must make choices with the limited money.

Children should distinguish “wants” from “needs”. For example, if a child who already has a pencil case wants to buy a new one with cartoon print, then it is a “non-essential” item. Parents try subsidising the cost and encourage their child to save up to buy it themselves. This way they can learn that they have to work for what they desire and treasure it more.

Children often want something “right now”, but parents can teach them the concept of delayed gratification, and encourage them to practise self-control and patience for a longer-term goal. For example, parents can ask children to see if they have a similar item at home, and discuss with them if it is something that they really need. After working to save up, you may find that they may prefer to keep the money after all.

If children demand something expensive, parents should explain that they may not be able to afford it, and help them understand the financial situation and the family’s monthly household expenses like rent, utility costs, groceries, and internet charges, etc. so that they can better understand the financial commitments of the family. At the same time, parents may discuss with their children about other more affordable options, or ask them to make a choice between what they want and they can give up.

Tips for going shopping with children